"If there ever was an area that needed to be more openly discussed among married couples, it’s this one: sex. It is easy to believe that every other couple has no difficulties with the subject. That if you and your spouse are having trouble when it comes to sex, you are the only ones. You couldn’t be further from the truth. Every couple will experience at least some difficulty in the area of sexual connection.
When it comes to sexual connection, there are three categories of couples. The sexually barren, the sexually average, and the blessed few. Membership in these categories has little to do with physical anatomy. To be part of the blessed few requires more of each person mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
Couples who fall in the sexually barren category often are not having sex due to reasons other than physical incompatibility. They often have resentment, bitterness, disappointment or all of the above directed towards their partner. While these emotions may manifest themselves in physical ways, the problem is not physical. It’s mental and emotional...
The sexually average are also not immune to these difficulties. Although they have most likely had times when they felt a deeper connection they are desperately trying to recapture the experience.
To reach the promised land of the blessed few requires you to be more present not only during sex, but also during life. You must grow up. And so must your spouse...
Sex is so much more than just an act. Sex is a language. When you begin to look at your sexual language, you will discover it is in line with how you live your life. It will uncover the areas of your life where you are insecure, scared, anxious, or even ashamed.
To begin the growth required to be among the blessed few, work to be more present with your spouse. Both during sex and the day to day interactions. Speak up about what’s going on inside your head. Listen to your spouse as they tell you what’s going on in theirs. This is the fastest way to better sex.
Better sex doesn’t automatically create a better relationship, but the personal growth required to enhance sex and intimacy will improve the marriage in other ways. When you learn ways of maintaining yourself in your marriage you will improve all your relationships as well.
Here are a few ideas on creating a more passionate relationship.
Sexual compatibility is developed over time. “Curl-your-toes sex” does not just happen by chance. It is co-created by both partners being more involved, not just physically present. When more of you comes forward, it is often greeted by more of your partner. This growth isn’t easy, but it’s the only way to enter into the realm of the blessed few."
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